It's October Again
by Loveandcoffeeandsimplicities
Summary: An extended look into the night Haley jumped into the pool after her mother's death. Naley.
1. Chapter 1

Death and final had never seemed more permanent to Haley James Scott than it had the past few weeks. She didn't know if she was having an out of body experience or what, but all she knew was the fact that from the moment her mother took her last breath, leaving her behind, Haley became a shell of the person she once was. Nathan, loyal til the end, had stuck by her on her hardest days. It didn't seem to make a difference; she was still heart-achingly sad.

She didn't know which way was up and which way was down when it came to her depression, (if one could call the all-encompassing numbness she felt depression). She remembered the night she set the piano on fire. She simply didn't have the energy to care about anything anymore. Nathan had come running into their living room, yanking her out of the way. She had been able to register the fear in his eyes but what he feared; she couldn't begin to fathom. Her? Her safety? She didn't know and she didn't really care. Caring hurt too much.

Staring into the pool, Haley noticed the way their backyard lights' reflection shimmered in the glistening water. She wasn't sure what she was doing out here – she just knew she needed to feel _something_. Looking at the water once more, Haley didn't hesitate to plunge downward into it, letting the iciness roll over her. She sank to the bottom, keeping herself there by making her body float a little bit.

As she stayed under the water's surface, thoughts began spinning into her mind. Jaime's birth. Her wedding day. Nathan jumping off the bridge after Cooper. Happiness and sadness alike swam through her mind and it was too much. Suddenly, she didn't know how to breathe. She felt the tears come and go as gently as rain down a street. The water helped wash them away and it was like she wasn't even crying to begin with.

Help me.

Help me.

_Please, someone help me. _

Just then, she heard a splash as someone jumped into the pool and felt her body being tugged upward. Once her head broke water, she blinked the water out of her eyes, spotting Nathan fully dressed and looking at her in fear.

"Haley?" Nathan gasped, holding onto her. She coughed, expelling a bunch of water from her lungs.

"Oh god, baby. Just breathe," Nathan instructed, pulling her into his chest. Her arms went around his body automatically, and she tethered herself to him.

They hugged in the water for what felt like an eternity before Nathan noticed his wife's shaking.

"You're shaking, Hales," he murmured, and she shrugged.

"I'm fine," she said quietly.

"Come on, let's get out of the pool and into a hot shower," he said gently, and she was simply too exhausted to argue anything anymore so let him swim them to the edge of the pool and help get her out after he got out first. They made their way into the house, with Haley not saying much. They had already tucked Jaime into bed so she knew he was out for the night. That was a relief.

Once they reached their room, Nathan led her to their bathroom, sitting her down on the lid of the toilet.

"Raise your arms, sweetheart," he said softly, and she complied.

He lifted her wet shirt over her head, then unbuttoned her jeans. She helped get them off, along with her bra and underwear. Then he undressed himself and led her to the shower. The water was hot but not scalding and Haley found her muscles relaxing considerably. She stood in the shower, too numb to do anything, so Nathan took that as his cue to help wash her. She wanted to move; wanted to do something, but she was just too damn tired.

Eventually, Nathan got the shower turned off and reached around their glass door to where their towels were. Wrapping one around his wife, Haley found herself feeling warm for the first time all night.

"Come on baby, let's go lay down," Nathan said, and she nodded.

He guided her to their room and sat her down on the edge of their bed, before kissing her forehead.

"Let me get changed and then I'll bring you some pajamas, alright?" Nathan asked.

"Can I have a pair of your pants and one of your college shirts?" Haley whispered, and Nathan nodded.

"Of course, sweetheart," he said gently.

After he got dressed, he came back to the bed and Haley dropped the towel. He was gentle with his ministrations as he got her dressed.

"Better?" Nathan asked quietly, and she nodded. "Let's lay down."

Nathan got into bed and pulled her into his chest, wrapping a secure arm around her. Haley didn't know how to explain what she was thinking by jumping into the pool but she knew she had to try, for the sake of Nathan.

"I wasn't looking for an end," she said lowly, and Nathan's hold squeezed tighter as she heard him inhale shakily. "I was looking for a way to feel something. Anything."

"And, did you?" Nathan asked, and Haley thought about it.

"No," she admitted honestly. "I just feel numb. It's like my mother took a part of me with her when she passed and I don't know how to get it back. But, if I give up on the faith that it gets better than I've lost all hope."

"Then, don't give up on that faith, baby. I swear, it'll get better. No matter how many bad days you have, you're still going to have one more good day. And, you have me. I'll always be here," Nathan said firmly.

Haley nodded, feeling the tiredness sweep over her whole body.

"I know," she murmured.

"And, I know you don't think it's going to help but I want you to give therapy another try. After tonight, I don't think we can fight this on our own anymore," Nathan said softly but with conviction. Haley thought about it before nodding.

"Alright," she whispered. She had reached rock bottom. The only way up was from here. It was time to start getting her life back. With Nathan and the rest of her friends and family by her side, the task didn't seem as daunting as it once did. And, that's what allowed her to breathe a bit easier.

**Fin.**

**Author's note: First time writing Naley. Would love feedback. Xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

Haley listened to the rhythmic ticking of the clock on her therapist's wall. Dr. Kramer was his name. He told her to call him James. She had been sitting with him for going on forty-five minutes and was still no closer to opening up to him than she had been at the beginning of the session. And, all the sessions that came before this one. She watched as he tapped his pen against his clipboard, stilling his movements every now and again to jot something down. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't the least bit curious as to what it was exactly that he was writing but she knew better than to ask. Not when she wasn't forthcoming with sharing her pain.

It was as if she was a punctured balloon; air was seeping out of her rapidly, she couldn't breathe that much due to the overwhelming pain she still felt to this day. Lydia Scott's death was still so raw and new; the wound so fresh. Haley wasn't sure she'd ever be able to breathe properly again. And, she hated herself for it. Oh, how she _hated _how she couldn't seem to let go of her pain. She thought about Quinn and how she seemed to heal with the aid of her camera. Nathan had encouraged her to not lose her voice in the mixture of her pain and chaos; had said that would be her saving grace. Too bad she couldn't see it that way.

The pain Haley felt from her mother's death started a war inside of her. A war where the casualties were insurmountable; a never ending list that continuously added the numbers by the dozen. The kind of casualties she was referring to, however, were not people. No, it was the loss of her happiness. The loss of her love for life. The loss of _herself. _She knew Nathan was fighting consistently to bring back even an iota of happiness back into her life; of who she once was before everything went to hell in a handbasket.

As she thought about Nathan, her thoughts naturally strayed to Jaime. The little boy with the heart of gold who had so much love to give. She knew that was a trait he had gotten from both of his parents. Although, as of late, she really wasn't feeling like she could take much credit in how good of a person he was turning out to be. She had shied away from her parental expectations so much she thought she deserved an award for _not _being mother of the year. Jaime, who was so kind and innocent, never blamed his mother for her shortcomings. Not once. He just accepted the fact that she was in pain and there really wasn't anything he could do about it except just be in her life. And perhaps, that was the greatest failure of all for Haley. To know that her son knew he couldn't just hug away her pain.

Eventually, Dr. Kramer cleared his throat and she looked at him. He tilted his head towards his watch, eyes cutting to the door and she understood his silent way of saying their meeting was over. She nodded her head, grabbed her purse and made her way out of the room. She knew that Nathan was wanting her to open up in these sessions but she just _couldn't. _Not when she couldn't even open up to her family and friends.

When Nathan had pulled her out of the pool, the resulting conversation did allow her to open up a little bit but she was still in so much pain; the after effects of losing her mother was still so raw and fresh, leaving her open and on display, cut open and vulnerable for the world to see.

Once outside, Haley took in the wintry morning. The air was crisp and cool; sky grey and white. She spotted Nathan sitting in the car, waiting patiently for her. He was always so patient and gentle; never rushing her healing process. Although lately, it didn't feel like it was a process at all. It felt more like an ink blob that had no rhyme or reason to it – she was certain she was never going to heal completely. Opening the door, she got into the car, grateful for the warmth it provided.

"Hey, you," Nathan said softly. "How'd it go baby?"

A soft sigh pushed passed Haley's lips. Here's where her dilemma was. Did she tell him the truth or what he wanted to hear? Knowing that they didn't have any secrets from one another, she opted for the truth. "It didn't. I just spent the last hour there, staring at my hands in my lap, praying it'd be ending sooner rather than later."

She caught Nathan's movements as he turned his body to face her, catching her hand in his. "Look at me, Hales." It was a soft plea, one that she knew she'd never be able to say no to. Inhaling shakily, she looked up from lap and made eye contact with her husband. His eyes were caring; a gentle understanding laced in the brown irises and she found herself wondering, not for the first time, how she had gotten so blessed as to be able to call him hers'. "It's okay that you weren't able to open up today. There's still the next session, or the next one after that."

Her eyes closed of their own volition. "I just want you proud of me." A soft whisper, getting lost in the car's confinements.

"Baby," he said softly. "I am _always _proud of you. And, if I've ever given you the impression I'm not, then that's on me." His thumb traced the outline of her cheekbone and she felt safe and secure for the first time since that awful night in the pool. It wasn't that Nathan hadn't gone out of his way to make sure she felt that way before; he had. It was that she hadn't truly allowed herself to feel any emotion other than the all-encompassing numbness that had settled in around her, making her bones ache for relief from the pain of it.

"You're too good for me, Nathan Scott," she whispered.

He chuckled. "It's the other way around, Haley James Scott."

He placed his lips against her forehead and held them there for an immeasurable amount of time. Her lower lip trembled as the pain inside of her intensified.

"Is it ever going to get any easier to breathe?" Haley muttered.

"Yeah, baby, it is," Nathan murmured. "I swear to it. You've just got to hold on for a little bit longer."

Haley inhaled deeply, nodding her head. She didn't know what the future would hold for her but she would try her damnedest to hold onto hope for a bit longer. It had to get better eventually. It just had to.


End file.
